100th Story Special: Light of the Supernova

When I first started this blog — and started reporting on transformation in general — my first report was on a strange phenomenon I called ‘Supernova Transformations.’ It’s where any wish made upon a certain star, an unusually bright and mysterious supernova, would be granted in a twisted, sexually charged way. I haven’t talked about it in a while, since lately I’ve been focusing more on mysteries a little closer to home, but I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I wasn’t still intrigued by the seemingly magical exploding star. I think every reporter, TF or regular, has a special place in their heart for their first story, and I’m no exception. That fondness is part of the reason why I recently decided to look further into the Supernova itself, which has led me to discover something… fairly strange.

I once theorized that the light from the supernova was what was granting wishes and transforming people, but new evidence I’ce found suggests that is only half right. The light is magic, and is of the power of the supernova to grant wishes comes from, but the light isn’t actually what transforms people. Because the magic of the light actually travels faster than light itself.

Part of what defines magic is the fact that it does the impossible. That’s why when someone wishes on the mysterious supernova, the wish is granted quickly, instead of taking the years it would take for light to travel from a distant star. The magic itself travels much faster, comes to earth, and grants to wish in a sexually charged way.

But… that doesn’t mean the light isn’t also coming to earth. And while the magic is faster… the magic infused light is much, much more powerful. And once it reaches earth… Everyone will be transformed. By all the wishes made on the star, all at once. Or, in other words…

When the light of the supernova comes to earth, everyone will be transformed into dumb, horny sex gods.

I didn’t believe it at first. I mean, I’ve used a Time Machine before, I’ve been to the future! I know not everyone is transformed. But… after taking a closer look at my Time Machine, I realized I’ve never been that far into the future. In fact… it won’t take me that far. The people who gave me the Time Machine, the Douchebag Revolution, they must have programmed the machine not to go to that time period. I’ve reached out to them but they’ve been weirdly quiet about the whole thing.

The good news is we have plenty of time before the light gets here. By my calculations the light still has another 100 light years to travel. So, we have time. But… in about 100 years, things are going to get really crazy.

It might not last forever, and we might figure out a way to stop it from happening at all, but if we don’t? The world might just end with a huge worldwide orgy.

Not the worst way to go out.